Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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