The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
