In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
