On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
