I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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