Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
