she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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