Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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