who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if only i could text you this smell
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize