no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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