i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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