Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
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Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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