everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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