I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
