Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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