she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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