yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
