Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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