I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
