apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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