Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
