Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize