im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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