I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
