Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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