If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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