Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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