why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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