at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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