Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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