it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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