theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I didn't notice because vodka
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
