K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
