What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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