why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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