Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
