I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
