Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
