First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
