Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
