Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
did i just pee glitter
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
