literally had 100 drinks last night.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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