i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
