if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
