i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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