Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
