and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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