I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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