Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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