I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
