Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
