I accidentally burped into my bong.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Damn victory sex feels great
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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