I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Panties = found
Randomize
