like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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