Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
