We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
