If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
