This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
