and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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