***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
