All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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