After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
