The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
