would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
