I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
