Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
