Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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