i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No subtext here. People are naked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
