Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
false alarm, still single
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize