i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
